Sunday, April 1, 2012

Real reason for Olbermann firing

On Friday, Current TV--the Al Gore-led pseudo news network--summarily dumped it's top star (really, its only star) Keith Olbermann. He will be replaced by the highly capable and seasoned journalist Eliot Spitzer, assuming the latter can find time to do the show in between hookers.

The network's publicly stated reason for terminating Olbermann is “material, serial breach of contract.” It alleges that Olbermann fails to show up for work, was engaged in systematic attacks against network executives, was sabotaging the network, and had become an all around pissy bastard with a severe case of body odor.

Olbermann has promised to sue in retaliation, of course. In a statement, Olbermann said that all of Current TV's claims are false, that the whole thing is just a way to get out of the contract the network signed, and that a number of its top executives molest collies on a regular basis.

But this is all just a public war of words, a game of each trying to outdo the other with outrageous claims. A contact inside of Current TV has informed me of the real reason for Olbermann's departure: apparently there was an under the table deal in place wherein Olbermann was supposed to set Al Gore up on a date with Erin Andrews. Unfortunately, Olbermann burned that bridge early this year and Big Al came to realize that it was never going to happen, that Olbermann made a promise he couldn't fulfill.

So it should come as no surprise that Gore has decided to replace Olbermann with Spitzer, a man with a proven track record in delivering the babes.

Happy April Fool's Day!

Cheers, all.


  1. What's the problem with Spitzer cavorting with hookers, as long as they aren't dead hookers?

  2. No problem. The Al Gore needed the pipeline...

    (Get it? "Pipeline"?)